Alcoholism’s Antidote: Self-Discovery, Insights from an Alcohol Survivor, 24 Years Free!, Chapter Four, Facing Why You Began Drinking.

For those of you following this series, I offer the 6th installment in an 8-part serialization of my book, Alcoholism’s Antidote: Self-Discovery, Insights from an Alcohol Survivor, 24 Years Free!, Chapter Four, Facing Why You Began Drinking.

This chapter has the fewest number of words, but it may take the most time to complete, because it contains one of the toughest challenges with which you will be faced: looking deeply into your past. You don’t need this step to get sober, however I contend that you need it to stay sober and to move into your flowering stage.

Alcohol dependency is your main problem now, yet ignoring what led you to alcohol for relief in the first place is the best way I can think of to fall back into Ethyl’s seductive embrace and lose your last opportunity to make a positive contribution to this needy world.

CHAPTER IV
FACING WHY YOU BEGAN DRINKING

You May think That Alcohol Has Caused All of Your Troubles

In fact you may be facing jail time because of it. You may end up losing your license, your job, your spouse, or even a second or third spouse, job and/or license due to your drinking. Yet, there is an even bigger issue that you need to confront if you ever hope to leave your alcohol-dependency behind for good.
Along this journey it is fundamental that you find out why you have the impulse to drink to excess. Why have you used alcohol as medicine? What pain are you trying to tend? What uncomfortable memories have you been obscuring with liquor? It’s not for me to know. But, I can tell you, “It” is the reason you’ve gone back to alcohol again and again and again. “It” is the thing from which you originally required escape. To find out what “It” is requires a journey of self-discovery beginning with your earliest memories. Especially, if you think you are presently immune to past pain, or have no conscious disturbing memories, you need to do some serious rummaging through your past. You have been drinking to excess for some reason. It takes the courage of the heroic energy within you to face, in the present, what made you choose inebriation in the past.

“Isn’t Quitting Enough?”

No! If you want to be free of alcohol for good quitting isn’t enough. You’ve quit before. You must get to know yourself better if you are going to quit for good. Parts of yourself, due to some suffering, not having been otherwise addressed, have looked to alcohol for comfort. These bits of you, though invisible, are as much a part of you as your arms or legs and they need to be comforted just as you would set a broken bone or dress an open wound. Your mission is to find something healthier than alcohol to treat them.
“Why Delve More Deeply Into the Causes of My Drinking?”
Simply put, the answer is, so that you won’t need to drink again. By uncovering why you’ve been drinking you can begin to come to terms with it. Then you can discover ways to deal with your challenges without requiring anesthetization.

“Why Do I Drink?”

Give yourself some time for these posers.
“Why do I feel the need to get drunk?”
“Why can’t I drink moderately, like everybody else?”
“Why don’t I stop with just a couple of drinks?
“Why do I quit only due to illness or to sober up for work?”
Keep asking yourself until you get some real answers beyond, “Because I like it, and it makes me feel good,” or “Because I have a weak character and I’m hooked,” or “It’s none of anybody’s god-damned business!”
“Why do I prefer intoxication to my life?”
“Why don’t I feel good without it?”
“I say I can quit anytime, why don’t I?”
“What does alcohol do for me?”
“What don’t I feel or remember when I am inebriated?”
Ask yourself all of these questions and then listen for the answers as they find their way up from your unconscious to your conscious mind. Give this process time. Keep asking until you are satisfied with the understanding you achieve.

Self-Discovery by Tracing Your Journey to the Present

Make a chronology of your past. List the years of your life since you were born and fill in what you can remember of what happened each year.

What is the earliest event you remember?
What was your first possession?
When did you start school?
What do you remember about your first school experience?
Did your family move? How many times? How old were you?
Did your parents divorce? What year was that and how old were you?
Should your parents have divorced and didn’t? How was your home life?
Did you ever have to be hospitalized or go to the emergency room when young?
How and when did you learn about sex?

Let the memories flow. Add new ones to your list as they float up from deep within.
Make special note of any periods from which you have no recollections at all.
Now try a little different approach. Pick out from your list the ten most vivid memories you retain from your childhood. Note how each one makes you feel. Take up to a day or longer with each recollection rolling around in your mind. Remember, blanked-out periods in your memory require extra attention. You may need to ask a few questions of parents and siblings.

This process unfolds naturally, thus slowly and deliberately. Stay with it. The more answers you seek, the more understanding you will gain.

Thank you for reading this far.

Check this space next Friday, November 5th for the 7th installment in an 8-part serialization of my book, Alcoholism’s Antidote: Self-Discovery, Insights from an Alcohol Survivor, 24 Years Free!, Chapter Five, Finding Out Who You Really Are.
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